So, I did something recently that I don’t normally do. I decided to go see a concert by myself, like confident, cool people would do. Tickets were only $10 so I was like, “Why not? It’s only $10 bucks! I had nothing else to do.”
But the moment I walked into the venue, I knew I might have made a big mistake.
So I’m standing there in a sea of people and the music is so loud, I can feel the bass in my soul. I can feel the energy of the people around me, flailing wildly, sweating, and jumping all together. Everyone’s eyes are fixated on this band called “Louis the Child”. who I just realize are not a band at all, but just two young DJ’s who are jumping and fist-pumping on stage. They don’t play any instruments. They just press play on their laptops every once and awhile. I’m in a full-blown rave and everyone is mesmerized, except me. They’re all staring at a giant video screen of morphing shapes and colours and laser lights sweep the crowd like a mass lasik procedure, I just know that some of these people are gonna regret later when they have to see their optometrist, but I don’t think anyone really cares right now. They’re too busy livin’ in the moment. Enjoying life. You know, I used to live in the moment, but right now I’m too busy wondering why the floor is so sticky under my feet and why I decided to come to this concert anyways.
But, as I stand there watching a haze from smoke machines slowly waft over the crowd, I see this girl, she’s beautiful. She’s got brown hair, brown eyes, and she’s got clothes on that are kind of revealing and we lock eyes. This is weird. She starts dancing towards me. I’m thinking, “Oh my God! Is this really happening? Is she dancing towards me? You see, Neil? You’re still cool. You’ve got Swag!” She’s dancing beside me now and motions me to lean in because she wants to whisper something in my ear.
But I’m getting ahead of myself…You gotta understand. I used to have Swag before it was called Swag. It started early too. Like, I got my first earring in grade 6. A small gold hoop. I was the only kid in school with an earring. The first time my mom saw it, she was like, “Oh my God Neil! Why? People will think you’re a drug dealer!”
Yeah, that’s exactly what people will think I am…an 11-year old-drug dealer.
Fast forward to when I was 17. In high school, I got my second earring, but this time in my other ear. Two earrings. I’m literally dripping swag now. When my mom saw the other earring, she was just like, “Oh my God Neil! now people will definitely think you’re a drug dealer!”
So, here I am. 40 years old, at a Louis the Child concert. I don’t get why everyone’s goin’ crazy. Every song sounds exactly the same, you know with that annoying crescendo, where the crowd just waits for the beat to drop, so they can go nuts, (sound effect of crescendo), but here I am standing off to the side with my arms crossed like a disapproving father who had to take their young daughter to their first concert.
I feel out of place, but that girl who keeps making eye contact with me makes me feel like I belong.
I’m Grade 6 Neil again, cool, dripping swag.
She motions for me to lean in and says…
“Wash wahhh Wahha.”
I’m like What?
I lean in closer and she says…
“Wah wahhh wahhh”
I’m like, “Did you say Love?”
Then she leans in and yells..
“Not Love! Drugs! Do you have any drugs that I can buy? My friends and I want to buy some Extascy, you know, MDMA? Do you have any?”
I said, “Uhhh, No.”
And as quickly as she danced towards me…she danced away.
I left that concert confused because really, if you think about it, there could only be two reasons why that girl came up to me.
- Because I looked like a drug dealer, or
- Because I was old as fuck and had to be a drug dealer, because there was no way I was an actual fan of Louis the Child.
And I hate to admit this, but…
My Mom was actually right! These earrings do make me look a drug dealer!
Thank you.
