I lead an incredibly boring life. I have a day planner that basically has the same things written in it every day. There’s daily reminders that I would like to be 200 lbs, creative, and a real estate guru. I would say that the only thing that I’m consistently doing is writing into my day planner. If that’s an accomplishment, then I’m really successful.

My life has been incredibly unremarkable, at least to my standards. No big trauma. No rags to riches story. I didn’t have to battle a drug addiction or get in life-threatening situations. I’ve been playing it safe for the past 43 years.

My life is like those rope obstacle courses that are suspended high in the air where the only thing stopping you from falling to your death is that you’re hooked up to a line. It can be scary sometimes, but if you fall, there’s pretty much no chance that you’ll die. Even with that security, I’d only go to the second level. That third level is too high, and what if I get stuck between obstacles up there? I’d have to just hang there and wait for some dude who’s in better shape than me to come out and reel me in while everyone watches from below. That’s embarrassing. I guess what I’m saying is I’m ready for some action.