I woke up to my wife grabbing my arm and shaking it, “Neil, Wake up!  I think there’s someone outside!”  I squinted at the digital clock on my bedside table and wiped the sleep out of my eyes. 3:03 am. I fumbled for my glasses, put them on and turned to the window that faced the street. An orange glow from the streetlight outside peered through the outer edges and peeked through our closed blinds. Whatever was beyond those blinds was loud and there were a lot of them.

I could hear the voices, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying, I just knew that whoever they were, they had to be close. 

I pulled back the covers and quietly got out of bed, making sure to stay close to the floor. You know how soldiers crawl under barbed wire at bootcamp? That was me. Slowly and surely moving forward towards the window on my hands and knees tryin’ not to make a sound.  In fact, the only audible coming from me was probably the sound of my heart pounding out of its chest.  “Buh bump, buh bump, buh bump.”  I make it to the window and I slowly take hold of the bottom blind, moving it up ever so slightly just so I can find a way to peek through being careful not to make any sudden movements, just in case they notice something moving.

I manage to move the blind up just enough to see what was happening just outside my window. Out, in the middle of the street, I can see a dark SUV parked right in the middle of the road directly in front of my house.  I can sort of makeout the silhouette of people sitting inside the car, and I could hear them talking to each other loudly. They were not discreet, which was a little strange. The car was still on and they were just sitting there.

Suddenly the front doors swung open and I ducked under the window. “Oh my God, I think they saw me!” I was frozen. I couldn’t move. My heart was beating faster and even more out of my chest, “Buh bump, buh bump, buh bump,” I didn’t want to look again, but I had to. I slowly moved the blind up again to take another peek.

The two men in the front seats were now standing outside of the vehicle and they left their doors wide open, the rear doors were open as well and there were four more guys leaning up against the vehicle. Everyone was wearing jeans and sneakers and colorful Polo shirts. I mean they were nicely dressed, like they just came from the club. If they were trying to blend into the night, those clothes were definitely not the right choice. You could spot them in a space, that’s how loud those shirts were. Two of the guys made there way to the back of the truck and popped the trunk door open.

I had my cell phone in my hand and already dialled “9-1”, but before I could press the next 1, this loud rumble started coming from the truck.  I glanced back at my wife, who was still on the bed, under the covers and she looked back at me with a look on her face, like, “What the hell is going on?”

And it took me a second to fully recognize what it was…The sound coming from the truck…was music.  Not just any music…No, it was the unmistakeable sound of Miami Bass Booty Shaking Music blasting at the highest decibel level from every speaker in that truck.  It was the hit track from 1994 from the 69 Boyz, called the Tootsee Roll. I even remember the lyrics.

Cotton candy sweet to go, let me see that Tootsee Roll!

To the Left, To the Left,

To the Right, to the right..

Now slide….Slide

Now Dip, Baby Dip,

Dip Baby Dip. 

Let me see that Tootsee Roll.

The music blasted, it was mix of whistle sounds and bass that literally shook the house. By now, I couldn’t take my eyes off the truck. My wife crawled to me, and we both sat there peeking under our white 2 inch faux wood blind, unsure about what the hell was happening.

Then the next thing we saw, still haunts me to this day.

The six fully grown men took positions around the truck. Some of them put both hands up high on the side like they were being arrested and patted down, while others bent over and placed their hands on the bumpers with their butts sticking out. But what happened next was truly amazing. Almost in unison, they all broke out into the most hardcore booty shaking I have ever seen. 

One guy was droppin’ it like it’s hot, another dude was aggressively twerking with one leg up, the guy in front somehow made his booty clap over and over.  It was totally unbelievable and mesmorizing at the same time.
 
My wife and I were just sitting there at our window peering through our blinds watching these grown men twerking at 3 in the morning.

And unbelievably, just as fast as it began, it ended.  The song stopped, all the guys ran back into the truck, slammed the doors shut, and just drove away.  

My wife and I just looked at each other, not sure what we just witnessed. After a few minutes of silence she says to me, “Should we call the police?”

And I was like, “I don’t know. I mean, what do I tell them? That we were the victims of a drive-by booty shake contest?”

So, we did what any person would do at that moment. We decided to go back to bed and never speak about it again.

Thank you.